When I was 15 I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism and funnily enough the doctor only picked it up when my parents went for a medical to get our citizenship here in Australia. The doctor noticed a lump in my throat. As a result the doctor told me I would be on medication every day for the rest of my life to keep me alive.
A couple years later I just started picking up weight uncontrollably and I knew then something was wrong. I went to so many doctors and got poked and prodded so much with needles that I now have the track marks on my arms as proof. Not the nicest sight or feeling I must admit. Despite it being obvious something was wrong the doctors couldn’t figure the cause.
I was put on the diet pill, Duromine which some of you might be familiar with it. I hated being on them, first of all I didn’t lose any weigh, secondly it made me very aggressive and I ended up hurting a lot of people around me. Not physically but verbally. Instead of taking me off them when they were clearly it was decided to increase my dosage. Putting me on the strongest dose they could and even that did nothing.
By this point I was 22 and 145kg and I had had enough. I was ready to give up and had accepted the fact that I was going to be a very large girl who could hardly find clothes in her size for the rest of my life. I’m sure that I am not the only one that hated shopping at this point. Walking into a store and just knowing that they won’t have your size and if they did it looked horrible on me. I avoided trying on clothes at all costs and when I did, it would end up with me crying in the changing room because I was disgusted with who and what I was. I didn’t love myself anymore. I hated looking in the mirror and seeing what I saw. I always wondered how my partner at the time could love me because I couldn’t even love myself.
I avoided a lot of things even just going to the mall or to go grocery shopping because I felt like everyone was judging me. Walking from one end of the mall to the other was a horrific experience on its own. I would be sweating like a pig, huffing and puffing. My feet hurt so bad from the weight I was carrying and they would swell up like balloons. I hated it to the point where I let all of this get in the way of me living my life. I lost all my friends because I just couldn’t go out anymore, I missed out on so many family events because I just couldn’t bear the thought of what they were thinking. Photos those were my worst enemy, I avoided them too. As soon as a camera came out, I was gone.
It was really hard for me to talk to people even my family because very often they would tell me that I had gotten bigger or that I really need to do something about my weight. Telling me that I used to be so beautiful when I was skinny. They never believed me when I told them that there was something wrong. It had to be my fault that I was the way that I was.
Then I gave it one last shot and went to see another doctor that my mother had suggested. I wasn’t very optimistic walking in there. He was a South African doctor here in Mandurah where I live. Anyways I went to see him, told him what was happening to me and within two visits he knew what was wrong with me. First visit he sent me for bloods and the second he gave me the results, that’s when he told me that I have Hashimoto’s Disease and Insulin Resistance. He also told me that there is only one option and that was to have the Gastric Sleeveoperation.
I was terrified and I didn’t know what to do. It was a huge life changing decision for me to be making at the age of 22 but I made it. A couple of weeks after making my decision my partner at the time and had broken up with me. I was on my own, in a new house and I had never been on my own before so it was really hard for me to cope especially knowing this operation was coming up soon. A short couple of weeks later on Valentine’s day I had the surgery done and when I woke up, I regretted it immediately because of the amount of pain I was in. I wish I was informed properly. No one told me it would be like that. I was in hospital for 3 days and it was tough, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I felt horrible and like I had made a huge mistake.
When I was released and came home it just felt different. I was stuck on the couch and had my mother here to look after me for the first 10 days. The doctor gives you a guide line on what you are allowed to eat but I still found it hard. All I wanted to do was have apple juice because drinking water was way too painful. You can literally feel it hitting your stomach. The doctor says it’s because the surface tension of water is so high.
After my mother left that’s when I really fell apart. I didn’t know what to eat and it was hard trying to climb up that dietary ladder back to solid foods. I threw up all the time, dizzy spells and black outs. I had no one to hold my hand through all of that. The nights I spent sleeping on the bathroom floor because I couldn’t get up and had no one to help me. The only positive at the time was the fact that the weight was falling off like they said it would.
Fast forward to 3 weeks post operation. That’s when I met Paul my Personal Trainer from Break Habit. At the time we he was working at Anytime Fitness Mandurah. I started training with him in the gym three days a week and it was difficult walking in there with all those people. Wondering what they thought of me. Knowing that they didn’t even know what I had been through and also knowing that they probably wouldn’t care. I was insecure and trying to hide it with my playful charm at training. Making lots of jokes and always trying to make Paul laugh. My focus back then wasn’t on training and recovery. I was still so insecure, all that was going through my head was do I have to do this? Can’t I find another was? Can’t I do this on my own at home away from all these people? I didn’t give in to those voices in my head! I stuck with it and believed that I could fight them and become who I used to be. Be happy again.
March I got a job! I wasn’t ready to be working but I pushed myself and stuck with it. I had to learn to stand on my own two feet. I was being given a second chance at life and I know that I had to make the most of it. My parents were very proud of me at this point because I had a job and I was recovering. To be honest though, I went too fast. I was nowhere near ready to be working full time health wise, I was exhausted and then still having to train on top of that. I felt like I couldn’t do it but I pushed myself and did it anyway.
Now its August, I am still working full time and crazy hours at that and I am still training. All that has changed now is that Beak Habit is its own business. I train with Paul one on one with no one else around and it has been amazing. I love my training now! Not having to worry about what other people think, being able to focus on myself and becoming all that I am destined to be. Without Paul I wouldn’t be where I am today. He has helped me recover not only physically but mentally. I am proud of who I am now. I know what I am worth and I won’t accept anything less. Nothing can stop me now.
Today I am 90kg and nearly 6 months post op. I have lost over 50kg in the last 5 and a bit months. I am destined for great things. I want to be able to help people who had the same questions and concerns that I did. I want to able to help others that need it. This isn’t the end for me yet, I still have a long road ahead but I want to share every up and every down along the way. This operation is the best thing I have ever done but I can also say it is not the easy way out and before anyone goes through this I think they need to know all the information. The things that the doctors don’t tell you.